The Journal of Marth
by Tactics Ninja
Summary: Everybody's favorite swordsman reveals his deepest thoughts to the world. Thoughts on Bowser, Pokémon, and why Hylians are so dang good at Poker.
1. Thursday, December 19th

The Journal of Marth

By Tactics Ninja

Disclaimer: The author does not own the characters contained within this fanfic.  They are being tortured for amusement purposes only, not for money.

Author's Notes: This fic is purely humor; if there's any mention of romance, it'll be in passing, and pairings may change based on situations.  I promise I won't have any really serious pairings in here.

-~-

**Thursday, December 19th, 12:00 PM.**

WELL, Journal.

That is all I have to say at the moment.

**12:03 PM.**

On second thought, maybe not.  I'd better explain what happened before I start trying to tell it to Link and get shouted at (in Hylian) for talking in Japanese.  Blast it.

Back to the topic at hand.  Today, Roy and I were fighting Bowser and Ganondorf in Hyrule Temple.  I'd executed a few slashes when Bowser caught me, grabbed me, and snapped off my _best breastplate!_  HE SWALLOWED IT WHOLE!  Mario just laughed and said "Ah-well-ah, I guess-ah that's the way-ah the cookie ah-crumbles."

I punched him then and stalked off.  Roy said that probably wasn't a smart move.  I DON'T CARE!

**4:07 PM.**

After intensive stalking observation, I have discovered that Bowser is incredibly stupid!  Not only can he not even walk a straight line without swaggering, but he also thinks that good humor is "Hey look, Peach's dress is pink Only five people laughed--himself, Ganondorf, who laughs to make 'evil look good', or something else illogical like that, DK, who wasn't really listening, I'll give him credit for that one, and Pichu and Pikachu, who explained later that 'Hey look, Peach's dress is pink today!' is actually some sort of unbelievably crude and hilarious sexual invitation in an outmoded form of Pokémonese that no Pokémon speak anymore.

Some days I wish I were a Pokémon; it sounds like it would have been funny to hear.

**7:12 PM**

Link and Young Link (Chibi-Link!) are back.  Roy isn't; he's probably off eating still.  He's a hog; I keep telling him that's why he's so much slower than I am.  He always retorts with 'Oh yeah, well who has fire attacks, huh?!' and I say to him, 'Before you saw Dilandau on Escaflowne and he became your new role model, you didn't either.'  That always shuts him up pretty quick.

Chibi-Link is doing his best to destroy my collection of rare and expensive Medieval-era action figures.  One moment.

**7:15 PM**

Succeeded in stopping Chibi-Link.  Tied him to a chair with his own jump rope.  Ha!  That ought to teach him to stuff my action figures into empty milk bottles and make little screaming noise.

I think Link's got the right idea here--he suggested sneaking up behind Bowser and ramming my sword…well, I'm sure you get the picture.  He even hit me on the back a few times and offered to help.  Provide a diversion.  I'm not sure how he'd do that unless he managed to come up with fifty freshly butchered deer carcasses, or an attractive female koopa.  I'm not sure how one would tell the difference anyway.

**7:53 PM**

Roy's back, with news!  I knew he was a good friend, he really feigned staying for extra servings of Zelda's 'Hylian Rapturous Pudding Delight' dessert (or did he?  oh well, it doesn't matter now) to listen to Bowser and Ganondorf's conversation.  Apparently, Bowser has horrific indigestion because of my breastplate (hah!) and he can't throw it up, no matter how much he tries (double ha, until you think about Bowser barf).    However, Bowser and Ganondorf are planning to 'get back at me' for 'doing this to him' (my question: HOW DID I?!  He's the one that swallowed it!) and might call a battle at any time of day or night.  Probably night, knowing them, they're that nasty.

Mario is also a little peeved that I punched him, and he's called for a battle.  Rats.  Have to go for now.

**9:00 PM**

Battle's over, I beat Mario fair and square, and he even admitted that he was a bit glib about the breastplate bit and they'll reimburse me.  Good man, Mario.

I'm now playing poker with both Links and Roy.  I haven't won a single game, Roy's won a few, and the Links are alternately winning left and right.  I honestly am starting to believe that they're cheating.  Or that Hylians are unbelievably lucky.  That might be it; they have to have a reason to have those ridiculous ears.  'To hear the words of the gods more clearly', hah, what a laugh!  That's so cliché.  Unbelievable poker luck sounds about right though.

Roy's suggesting we pop down to the kitchens to get some poker snacks.  I'll be back shortly.

**9:06 PM**

News!  We nearly ran into Bowser on the way there.  Apparently he's starting to feel ill.  After returning with drinks and chips, we started plotting.  We've come up with this plot:

Roy and I will take on Bowser and Ganondorf in a team battle tomorrow in Hyrule Temple.  We'll do our best to beat the snot out of Bowser, even if I don't get my breastplate back.  I'm kind of wanting to leave it in there now, especially since I have cash to buy a new one (even though I don't really NEED a new one, I have at least five) and it's causing Bowser considerable upset.  This can only end well!

For now, it's back to poker, though I'll be sure and give you a blow-by-blow recount of the battle tomorrow, as well as I remember it.

-~-

Will Marth and Roy win their match?  Will Bowser ever cough up that breastplate?  And do those ears really give Hylians unbelievably good luck in poker?  Find out whenever Marth decides to write in his journal again.  Well, maybe.


	2. Saturday, December 21st

The Journal of Marth 

By Tactics Ninja

Disclaimer: TN does not claim to own the characters herein, nor is she making any money off of torturing them for laughs.

Author's Notes: Wow! ^_^ I didn't expect to get as many reviews as I did.  Thanks for all the reviews!  Here's the second entry in Marth's Journal…

-~-

**Saturday, December 21, 10:37 AM.**

Excuse me for not writing in you yesterday, Journal.  I was indisposed slightly.  Don't worry; it was but a scratch--if you can call five broken ribs, a broken arm, and a mild concussion a scratch.

I can't really.  I need painkillers.  Now.

**11:02 AM.**

Roy is beat up as well.  He's got a broken wrist and ankle, three broken ribs, and a broken collarbone.

I'll get around to why we're so beaten up after I take another pill.

**11:33 AM.**

Or five.  Those things are the gift of the gods to mankind.  Anyways, yesterday's battle was supposed to go off without a hitch.  However, it didn't.  Someone ratted out on us and we were beset upon by not only Bowser and Ganondorf, but also 'clone-copies' of them, AS WELL AS Master Hand and Crazy Hand!  We haven't found the culprit yet, but it can't have been just anyone.  When we do find them, they're dead meat!

If I can even move to kick them in the shin, that is.

**12:01 PM**

This isn't funny!  Roy and I staggered to lunch, and Bowser and Ganondorf wouldn't stop laughing at us. What's even WORSE about this is that Bowser managed to cough up my breastplate!  The injustice!

**1:00 PM**

Roy pointed out something -- it's four days until Christmas, and we've just been royally beaten up.  I will KILL Bowser and Ganondorf--it's just low and dirty to break someone's ribs so that it hurts to eat gingerbread and plum pudding.

**1:16 PM**

My fellow invalid (Roy) has suggested that we go take a survey to see what everybody thinks about Bowser and Ganondorf.  We may even find out the spy!

Be back in a few hours.

**5:10 PM**

We're back!  Here's what everyone said--I'm writing it down here for posterity.

_Mario:_ "I think-ah that you should-ah kick their butts.  Here-ah, have a candy ah-cane."

_Peach: _"Go get him, boys!  It's a pity he won't stay dead.  Being subjected to endless rounds of Go Fish while we're at his castle waiting for Mario is torture."

_Yoshi: _All we could get out of Yoshi was some unintelligible but very cute erm, yoshi-noises.  But Mario assured us that it meant 'Crack open Bowser's skull like a melon!'

_DK: _Mostly unintelligible, but from the gestures, we think it's pretty clear that he doesn't care what we do as long as he's not dragged into it.  And that he was trying to bum money off of us to buy bananas.

_Captain Falcon: _"Want me to run him over in my racer for ya?  Ganondorf copied all my moves!  I don't like that guy, ya know?"

_Fox: _"Ever since Bowser used fire breath on me and I had my shield up so that it reflected it back onto him, he's hated me.  And since he hates me, the rest of the Star Fox team hates him.  And since they all hate him, he wants to kill all of us.  And since…(long train of rationalization cut out)…you can kill him, and I'll even help."

_Ness: _"I knew it was times like these I saved my Legendary Bat for!  Bowser is bad--worse than Carpainter and Pokey!  I say we smash his skull in, all right Mr. Swordsman dude?"

_Ice Climbers: _After getting a translation of their language, we discovered that they were asking if they could freeze Bowser and Ganondorf.  We whole-heartedly agreed.  They clapped, cheered, and ran off.  How can living beings be that cute?

_Kirby: _Using a few of his clones, copied myself and Roy as well as Bowser and Ganondorf and put on a very nice little play in which we beat the snot out of B and G.  I liked it very much, clapped, cheered, and promised Kirby he could help out.

_Samus: _Seemed more concerned about other matters, but did note that she has no real fondness for Bowser or Ganondorf, and doesn't care if we go after them, only asked that we not get her caught in the middle.  I'm fine with that.

_Zelda: _She fussed about us and gave us both cake and kisses on the cheek (Link might kill us for that one) and then went on to say: "I was almost sure that we sealed away Ganondorf.  I don't know how he got back, but I do want him dead.  Or at least gone."

_Link: _Reiterated his previous comments and offered to dress up as a freshly butchered deer carcass or attractive female koopa.  I told him the deer carcass would probably be safer.

_Pikachu: _After we got a translation, it turns out he promised to help, and give Bowser a '5 million kilovolt wakeup call.' Sounds painful.

_Dr. Mario:_ "Well-ah, I think-ah that they should be-ah punished for what they-ah did.  At least-ah you two were ah-being fair-ah."

_Luigi: _"Can I help you kill him?  I might get some attention for once!"

_Falco: _"We all hate Bowser and Ganondorf because…(rationalization)…so I'll help you kill him, too."

_Young Link: _"I uh.  Yeah, that is to say that…go kill them!  Please!  Actually kill them this time!"

_Pichu: _Offered to help.  We bought it a bottle of ketchup because it was so cute, and it looked so thankfully cute when we gave it the ketchup that we nearly died from cuteness shock.

_Jigglypuff: _Said she'd help, and then started to sing.  Two hours later, we woke up, which is why this took so long.

_Mewtwo: _We couldn't find him anywhere.

_Mr. Game and Watch: _He threw sausages at us until we left.  He's enemy material now.

_Ourselves: _We want to kill them, duh.

**8:43 PM.**

Back in the room playing poker yet again.  Link and Young Link winning, yet again!  We need to drag Zelda in here sometime and see if it's Hylians that have poker luck, or just the Links.

Just a sec, Chibi-Link ran out of the room and took our cards with him.  We have to go chase him down.

**10:39 PM.**

We FINALLY caught Chibi-Link, way the heck out on the Termina battlefield.  He started sobbing and said that he thought we'd be able to beat Bowser and Ganondorf, and he just wanted us to get beat up a little because we wouldn't give him any beer.  After a few minutes of listening, we all agreed that he needed to be punished, so we threw him into the water and then hauled him out and dragged him all the way back to the dormitory.  I hate to see someone wanting alcohol that bad.  It kind of surprises me, especially since Chibi-Link seems more like he likes milk to me.

**11:43 PM.**

We're about to turn in, but I'd like to point out that we're going to have a war conference in a day or two to decide what we need to do about Bowser and Ganondorf.  I'll keep you posted.

-~-

Is Chibi-Link really repentant?  Will everybody pitch in and beat Bowser and Ganondorf to a bloody pulp? Does Zelda have really good poker luck too?  Find out whenever Marth picks up that pen again…well, maybe.  


	3. Sunday, December 22nd

The Journal of Marth

By: Tactics Ninja

Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not owned by Tactics Ninja.  As much as she'd like them.

Author's Notes: Wow!  Thanks for all the reviews, guys!  I never expected to get this many.  I hope you enjoy the third bit of Marth's Journal.  And FYI, while I may not be releasing one every day, I will have a 'special' one up on Christmas Day.

Now, without further adieu, here's the story.

-~-

**Sunday, December 22, 5:14 AM.**

Woke up abominably early this morning, due to Link's snoring.  He swears he doesn't snore, but he does…oh well.  This gives me a chance to plot ways to get back at Bowser and Ganondorf.

Firstly, we will of course have to wait until we're healed enough to take them on…there's no way I'm going to sit back and let everybody else beat up on them when we can't.  I want a piece of them, too, and when I get it, I'm going to burn it, and spit on it.

Whoops, Roy's muttering about something.  One moment.

**5:17 AM.**

Roy's awake.  He rolled over and slammed his collarbone into a bedpost.  I feel sorry for him.  That had to hurt.  (So far, I haven't managed to slam my injuries into anything in my sleep.  Knock on wood, I guess.)

As soon as 6 AM hits, we're going to go grab breakfast, but for now we're plotting--if Roy will stop drawing little pictures of Bowser being lynched in the margins of the paper, that is.

He says that's part of plotting, that we're going to have Bowser lynched.  Right, like that's going to work.

**5:54 AM.**

We're going down to breakfast now.  Be back later.

**6:43 AM.**

Back from breakfast.  It was 'super surprise oatmeal' today, which basically means they took the remains of breakfast from the past week and mixed it into a big vat of oatmeal.  Yes, that is just as disgusting as it sounds.  I stuck with the toast and grapefruit halves.  Roy had a small package of cereal.  We're never going to get well eating like birds, but I have a feeling the other would just make us sicker.

**9:02 AM.**

Link is in a panic; he forgot to buy gifts for everyone.  We're going Christmas shopping…why do I have a sudden feeling of doom?

**6:42 PM.**

Dear gods.  That is all I have to say.  Dear GODS.  I need pain pills, and I need them NOW.

One moment.

**8:00 PM.**

Well, one moment, or four.  Doesn't matter.  Anyway, we got the Christmas shopping done, at a price.  Chibi-Link tagged along as well, and we had to have gone in about fifty different stores.  That's not the worst of it though.

Bowser and Ganondorf were Christmas shopping as well.  We had to avoid them, and one time we slammed into each other, ending up much the worse for wear when our worst injuries just happened to hit solid objects.  Anyways, back to B and G.

The general populace may wonder why the hell they were shopping.  I sure do.  I guess they have 'friends', or more likely they're trying to bribe someone.  I also noticed that they had a new, fancy, Teflon-coated skillet.

Hey!  One moment.  Yes, that's right.  Mr. Game and Watch was being hostile yesterday!  And he uses skillets!

This all points to one thing.  He's in league with them!  I'll add him to the hitlist.

Also, Chibi-Link wouldn't stop ducking into toy and novelty stores.  It was constantly "Oh, look at this," or 'oh, wow, check this out!" or "Oh hey, Link, I want this--" eventually he gave up when Link wouldn't buy him anything.

So then he turned to us.

He whined, cajoled, pleaded, and even tried to pickpocket.  Stupid little whelp--he obviously doesn't remember that he's the reason that we're in a rather battered state, and that we may at any moment decide to deliver payback for that.  He just wants money.  Money and alcohol.

Kind of sad, really…he got so annoying that Roy and I took to hitting ourselves on our injuries, just so that the pain would override all rational thought for a few minutes.  Hence, the pain pills.

Roy's suggesting that we invite Zelda over for a game of Poker.  I'm all for it--must test the hypothesis about the Poker Ears.

More later.

**10:54 PM.**

That is the most bizarre and utterly impressive thing I've ever seen.  Roy and myself didn't win ANY games this time--it was ALL the Hylians, ALL the time.  Zelda got no less than this: A royal flush, a straight, ace high, and then four of a kind.  I'm sure the rest of us were standing there with our mouths hanging open.  I'm glad we weren't actually betting, or playing strip poker--in the case of the former, I'd have been left with nothing, and in the latter, Roy and myself both would probably have lost everything INCLUDING our casts, let alone our pride.  Nasty business.

I'm almost certain that the ears are for poker luck now.  Roy is suggesting--gently--that they might be for all kinds of luck, and, less gently, that I may need to go to an insane asylum.

Let's see how he likes it when I whack him in the side with my cast!  Oh, that's really too low of me…perhaps I'll just tell some of his horrific secrets to the Links.  That ought to do it.

I shall not keep anyone from their plum pudding and turkey.  I'm not that kind of person, though it seems B and G are.

**11:03 PM.**

About to sign off, diary, but I thought I'd note that we've set the Battle Strategy Conference for Christmas Eve--I'll write in you again then to tell you how everything goes--tomorrow Roy and I are going to go to town for the day to get our swords sharpened and our armor repaired.  It's not like we can fight or anything.  Honestly, all this free time is killing me.  (In more ways than one. I had no idea Chibi-Link could do THAT with two coat hangers, a piece of bologna, and a glass bottle.  Poor cat, though.)

-~-

So, what will happen at the conference?    Are the Hylians really just lucky in general?  And is Mr. Game and Watch really evil?  Find out next time Marth turns the page in his journal…well, maybe.


	4. Dec 24, Christmas Special, Dec 31

The Journal of Marth

By Tactics Ninja

Disclaimer: The characters herein do not belong to me, nor do I claim ownership of them in any way.  I just torture 'em because it's fun.

Author's Notes: Well, crud.  I promised you guys a chapter on Christmas and I couldn't deliver--FF.Net wouldn't let me in.  So instead, here's a sort of 'mega-chapter' that has entries from Christmas Eve and today--about the same length as other chapters, not a whole lot shorter, plus the special 'Christmas Bonus Chapter.'  I hope you enjoy, and I'm really sorry about the delay.

On a similar note, I can't thank you enough for all the reviews.  This is probably the most successful story I've written in a long time, thanks to you all.  Now, here's the story.

-~-

Tuesday, December 24, 2002, 3:30 PM 

Sorry I haven't written sooner, journal--it's been a full day.  We've been meeting and plotting, veerry carefully, I must admit.  Which is hard when you're injured like me and Roy are, since our base of operations is very small and with the multitude of people crammed inside, we get jostled often.

I'm only back for a pain pill.  I'll take you with me and jot things down as we go though.

**4:13 PM**

We've reached a break…sort of.  Roy and Mario are arguing over something, and Peach, Zelda, and Pichu have left to go get some snacks.  Everybody else?  Well, some of them are drawing up charts and maps, some of them are gauging strengths and attacks, and the rest are eating a box of jelly doughnuts.

Some days I wonder how these people got to be fighters.

**4:20 PM**

Zelda, Peach, and Pichu still aren't back.  Link and Chibi-Link have gone out to look for them.  Hopefully it's not anything serious--they probably just went into raptures of delight upon the sight of a cute TV show or something…we hope.

**5:00 PM**

Bad news.  Very bad news.  It appears that they're being held for ransom.  For what we can tell.  The note was made out of cut up magazine letters--uber-cliché!--and tacked to the room that Zelda and Peach share with one of Sheik's needles, which had some blood on it.  I think Link's about to start panicking or hyperventilating or something, one second.

Forget the handy lunch-sized paper bag, this guy is going to need a grocery sack.

**5:52 PM**

I think we've finally got Link calmed down.  I'm going to paste the letter here:

"U will give us Mart and RO and fity hundred milon $ or we wil kll te chiks and th Pokeymon!"

I'm sorry…I just can't take this seriously.  Excuse me while I have a laughing FIT.

Mart and RO, are we?  That's interesting, I've been called many things--'Stupid Pansy' (the person that said that one got their arm chopped off), 'Little Blue Haired Excuse for a Real Man' (abruptly had left leg removed), and 'Weird Oatmeal-Loving Freak.'  (Roy got tarred and feathered for that one.)

Mart, though…what are they trying to say about me?  That' I'm some kind of…well.

Actually, it's probably just their poor spelling.  Pokeymon, I mean, honestly.  Give me a break.

Still, we've got to decide what to do about them.  Tar and feathers!  Tar and feathers!  No, that's letting them off a little too lightly.

Hm.  Write again in a bit…

**7:01 PM**

Well, I think we've come to a decision of sorts.  Fox and Falco, using Slippy's modified cloaking devices, will start snooping to see if they can find out anything.  If they do, Ness will use his Psychic Powers to immobilize them, or just confuse them, while Pikachu, Captain Falcon, and Samus sneak in and retrieve the captives.

Why do I have a feeling that this plan may go wrong at any moment, and violently so?  I have no doubts that our chosen team will do their best, but this reeks of something that could go wrong very easily.

I mean, for heavens sakes, one time Pikachu failed in delivering a letter from one room to another room that was about six feet down the hall, solely because Kirby walked by wearing a Pikachu hat and Pikachu, in his excitement, scorched the letter.

That's the kind of skill we're dealing with.

I kind of think that Peach, Zelda, and Pichu may be screwed.

**7:14 PM**

Continuing with our plans, Roy and I have decided that we're going to leave Smash Central for a few days and go to see a specialist in medicine to heal our injuries with magic.  Highly expensive, but highly effective, especially if we want to turn Bowser and Ganondorf into piles of goo.

The only trouble is that it will take several days--I've had this sort of thing done before, please don't ask--and B and G could attack while we're gone.  They might even stalk us or something, horror of horrors.

Therefore, Chibi-Link and Link are going with us, in case B and G think we're easy targets, and everybody else will prepare for attack.

Really, I only think Chibi-Link is going because there's a store that sells Pocky in Maedatown, which is where we're headed.  While I must admit Pocky is one of nature's more perfect foods, Chibi-Link takes Pocky to an extreme.  Sixteen boxes in one sitting.

For now, though, we're going to go back to the room and play Monopoly--the happy fun game of being greedy and trying to drive everybody else into poverty while you become stinking rich.

Fun game.

**9:00 PM**

The Monopoly-fest is over.  Me and Roy proved that while Hylians may rule the realm of Poker, WE are Monopoly CHAMPIONS!  We drove the Links to bankruptcy, then proceeded to attack each other viciously.  In the end, I won, but not by a lot.  A few bad dice rolls and I would have been easy prey.

We leave in the morning for Maedatown, so we'd better get to bed soon.  We probably won't be back until the 31st or so, and I'm going to have to leave you here, since all our plans are sketched on some of your back pages.  Sorry!  I'll give you a full report when I return.

-~-

Author's Notes on the Christmas Special -- This is just something I was thinking about.  A look into Marth's journal of last year, when he'd barely become a Smasher.  I hope you enjoy!

Christmas Special - A Blast From The Past 

_Journal Entry 5 - December 25, 2001. Christmas!_

Hi again, Journal.  It's only my fifth day here, and it's Christmas already!  These people are wild--they've got a gigantic Christmas tree in the hall where we eat, and lots of Christmas decorations up all around.  I swear they'd even decorate the battle arenas if it wouldn't look extremely tacky.

Everybody seems pretty agreeable, though some of these people can be rather snotty.  Bowser…a big hulking spiky turtle thing, he doesn't seem to like me much.  Neither does Ganondorf, but that's probably only because I'm friends with Link--this other guy--and Ganondorf really hates Link for some reason.  I haven't heard all the stories yet.  I gotta hang around the girls a little bit longer for that one.

I'm rooming with three other guys--Link, and a younger version of himself (yes, it sounds weird, I know.  It's something you have to get used to) that everybody calls 'Young Link' except for me and our other roommate--we call him 'Chibi-Link.'

Our other roommate?  It's a guy named Roy.  I sorta know him.  He's pretty cool, but extremely annoying, especially when he wants something, or he's really trying to piss me off.  Not cool!

He also thinks he's special just because he has a cape.  I'll show him.  My cape's a lot cooler than his!  I'll replace his with a bath towel dyed red that has a big smiley face drawn onto it!

Christmas is okay.  Mario said that we'd have a Secret Santa thing here in years to come, but that we wouldn't this year, because so many new people became Smashers just a short time ago, and we don't know each other yet.

We all went to a dinner tonight, and they had all sorts of Christmas Goodies--turkey, ham, duck, mashed potatoes, yam casserole, and even foods that I can relate to--like for instance fried chicken and pocky.  They even had things like raw deer and lasagna.  I guess they cater to everybody's tastes.  It was hilarious when Roy thought he had chocolate sprinkles, and instead had Pokémon food.  Pichu didn't mind--just laughed with the rest of us.

I've come up with a great trick to play on Roy!  I'll pin his cape to the ceiling with Falchion.  That ought to show him.

…there, it's done.  I'll keep my cape on.  Knowing him, he might try to do something stupid like steal it.

Now, I have to try and at least eat a little bit of this fruitcake Zelda and Peach gave me.  I've never been fond of fruitcake; one time, a girl had a crush on me and mailed me a fruitcake.  The thing was only slightly less hard than a rock, and tasted like cement.  I got sick and had to go to the Healer's.  It wasn't fun.

This one seems mostly ok--moist, and the fruit actually looks like real fruit.  I'll just nibble on a piece…

Well it's not pocky, but it's edible.  I guess that's good.

Well, everybody's here, so we're going to go open our presents that friends and family and so forth have sent here for us.  I'll write more when I get back…

…and I'm back.  I got a new breastplate, a nice cloak-pin, a pair of gauntlets, and a new dagger.  Very nice stuff.

Now, Chibi-Link is insisting we go play video games (something about a PlayStation or something) so I probably won't write in you again tonight.  I'll write more tomorrow.

~Marth

[in a hasty, scrawling handwriting, quite different from Marth's neat one] This is Roy.  The cool one =) Damn, Marthy is such a stiff!  Doesn't write anything juicy in here.  Anyway, I found out about the cape thing, so I'm gonna do the old shaving-cream and feather bit =) can't you wait?  I'll take pictures and put them in MY journal.  I'm even writing this in ink on the same page as some of his other stuff so he can't rip it out!  Haha, ain't that a kick in the side, Marthy?

By the way did I mention your owner is really too serious for his own good? =P seriously, today after a combat, the guy just sheathed his sword and walked away!  How's that work?  You're supposed to jump up and down and up and down and make a fool of yourself…otherwise it's not fun at all.

Anyway, I'm going to do the whole shaving cream thing now…I'll jot down results here in a minute.

…alright, shaving cream is in place, and Chibi-Link is tickling him.  Uh…WAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Laughing too hard to comprehend properly!  Oh, crap, he's awake…

AAAH SHIT!  I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!

[end of entry]

-~-

Tuesday, December 31, 2002, 9:13 AM 

Just got back.  I didn't realize that was going to take a week.  A whole week of traveling with Roy, on horseback (it looks cooler than taking a car, especially since we're going with the whole 'medieval' look here) with him singing 'ninety-nine mugs of ale on the wall' all the way.  Thankfully, we were on separate horses, otherwise I would have gone insane.

As it was, I _nearly_ went insane.

Link and Chibi-Link were on a matched set of--what did they say?--Eponas.  A big Epona, and a little Epona.  It's a bit bizarre, as if Link has been cloned.  I wonder if everything in Hyrule has a clone, and if there's really a Chibi-Zelda and a Chibi-Ganondorf running around too.

Chibi-Ganondorf, urgh the very thought is disgusting.

Well, in other news…they still haven't found Peach, Zelda, and Pichu.  (about our trip?  I'll tell you more about that one later.)  But since we're back in fighting condition, we can just beat the snot out of Bowser and Ganondorf and have them tell us!…I hope…

I don't really trust fighting them after what happened.  This time they may not stop with a few injuries--they may just go ahead and rip us in half.

I say we mob them.

**10:00 AM**

We've just eaten breakfast and gotten some news.  Bowser and Ganondorf are calling for a match against us.  But we get to pick the place.  I'm going for Hyrule Temple--Link knows the place like the back of his hand, as does Zelda, and so if we call for help they can get around unawares.  Ganondorf, apparently, never went into the temple 'for lack of babes and cash.'  Cursed heathen.

Young Link has already agreed to hide in a building and take potshots at B and G with his fire arrows.  Who knows, he may just prove himself.

Match now--be back later, hopefully in one piece (or in several, easily put together pieces, at the worst.)

**2:00 PM**

Back--not only in one piece--but we beat B and G royally!  Chibi-Link caught Ganondorf in the ass with a fire arrow, that was a sight to behold.  Then me and Roy caught Bowser in the middle of two charge attacks at once!  They did have ONE helper--Mr. Game and Watch--but Chibi-Link took him down, slicing his flat little body to tatters.  Yes indeed, victory is sweet.

However, they've said that they don't have Zelda, Peach, and Pichu, and we're reasonably sure of this--(having a sword to your neck doesn't leave room to be glib)--and that the Hands took them.  Curse them!  Curse them and their foul white-gloved…something-ness.

Roy and I are going to go get some food--be back later.

**2:46 PM**

Alright, we're back--with rice, sushi, some various other Japanese dishes, and two cheeseburgers.  The burgers are Roy's.

Anyway, I did promise to tell about our trip.  Everything started off alright, even though we were being bounced around on horseback with various injuries, which didn't feel too good.  When we reached Maedatown two days into our journey, however, we ran into trouble, in the form of thieves.

Thieves flocked around us and tried to steal everything on us until Link fought them off.  However, this won us no favors and we could feel the malice of them as they followed us through the streets.

Actually, I'm lying to you--we just ran into a bad flock of crows.  But the thieves sound a lot cooler, right?  I mean, a thief might put a knife between your ribs, the worst a crow's gonna do is peck at you.

Anyway, we found our inn, and went to the Healer--and there is where all fun ended.  The Healer was this mean old…witch…(I'm trying to be nice.)  She poked us, prodded us, hit on us (shudder, shudder, shudder!) and then Healed us, in the most painful way possible.  I've had this sort of thing done at home--you don't need to make a person eat Bat's Wings, Snake's Scales, etc--one time I got a broken bone healed and all the Healer made me eat was a cookie, and that was just so that I'd shut up.

She also overcharged us by a few hundred dollars.  I'm never going back there again.

Anyways, we also went shopping--Roy got a t-shirt that says "I'm with Stupid" on it.  He thinks it's just hilarious to walk around next to me with it on.  He'll see how funny it is when I bleach out that 'with'.  That ought to show him.

Me?  I got a new book, a pair of sunglasses, and thirty boxes of pocky.  What?  Don't look at me that way!

**3:14 PM**

Bad news.  B and G are now ranting against us, along with Mewtwo and Mr. Game and Watch.  They may turn a few others to their side too, but I hope not.  Because then we'd have to kill them.  Oh, alright, maybe not kill…more like beat to a bloody pulp.  And then step on.

Anyway, I'd completely forgotten that it's New Years Eve.  We're going to stay up late tonight and welcome in the new year by the old 'Four Swordsman Salute'…which means we all run into the dining room and stab our swords into the dining table.  No, you don't want to ask.

**7:02 PM**

Just a few more hours, then we can do the running four swordsmen salute.  Everybody's gonna love it!  I just know it.

Roy's saying something about it being stupid; I'd better go punch him a bit so he gets the right idea.

We're also going to confiscate a bottle of champagne.

Going to go now, we've got a few things to take care of.

**9:23 PM**

Back!  The Four Swordsmen Salute was a success!  We didn't just stab our swords in the table, we stabbed them in and then flipped, landing on opposite sides of the table, and bowed.  It was great!  Chibi-Link's sword kind of got stuck, but we managed to get it out.  We also got the bottle of champagne, but we're making Chibi-Link drink milk instead.  I think, by now, that he's about resigned to his fate.

We're going to have a little party now.

**11:59 PM**

[in messier script than normal] Well, journal, I guess I'd better be going now, I can't even write straight anymore--I'm going to let the others write a few things inhere….

[in extremely messy script] HAPPY NEW YEAR from Roy the cooool one =P!!!

[in somewhat more legible script] Have a nice yew year.  I mean new year.  Heheh. ~Link

[in a childish scrawl] They're all drunk.  This is funny--it's worth it not drinking, because now I can point the camera straight. -Young Link

[in Marth's slightly messy writing form again] Happy new year, journal!  May 2003 be better than 2002.  And may we catch B and G, and get roaring drunk.  Drunk is fun.  Bye now.

-~-

What will Bowser and Ganondorf's fate be, and what happened to Peach, Zelda, and Pichu?  Maybe you'll find these things out next time!  Or maybe the authoress will be evil and not tell everyone…you'll just have to wait and see.


End file.
